I Always Feel Like... Somebody's Watching Meee

As a teacher, I'm not sure any of us enjoy being observed. It's something one comes to expect over time though as you will be observed a minimum of twice your first year teaching, just as standard practice. When I say a minimum of two, you can bet it's going to be more like six times. There is an unspoken idea that observations aren't supposed to make you nervous. After all, you're just doing your job, the same way you do every other day.... surely you have nothing to hide, right? Phrased like that, most of us would roll our eyes and say "of course not." But here's the thing... we all do have something to hide.

I don't know any teacher who is the same person outside of school that they are inside of the classroom. Our classrooms are our own little world where you craft a relationship with upwards of 30 teenagers (for high school teachers anyway) at a time. The dynamics of your classroom change from one hour to the next and you employ a variety of techniques to keep your students engaged and entertained. As a person I am not particularly outgoing. I have a tendency to sit back in social situations and just observe. I am capable of being outgoing, and I am outgoing at times, but I prefer to sit back and watch. In the classroom I am outgoing and boisterous, funny and serious and I move around a lot. The contrast is probably striking for someone who knows me as a person and not a teacher.

What happens when someone observes me is the two sides of my personality clash. I am suddenly aware of being overly outgoing, I become embarrassed, I struggle to keep my wits about me because I can see the look on the person's face that tells me exactly what I fear: They cannot believe this is me, that I am ever this outgoing or ever enjoy this much of an audience. It makes me self-conscious. I dislike being observed whether for evaluation or any other purpose and I'm going to assume most other teachers dislike it for much the same reasons I do.

Enter this past week. My student teacher started and in the beginning, student teaching is observing your classroom teacher. On Tuesday I had my student teacher and another teacher in here who was evaluating me for a district-wide project. That's two extra adults. On Wednesday, the sign language interpreter, my student teacher and a sign language interpreter-trainee from the local university were in my classroom. That's three extra adults. I've been contacted today by a coworker who would like to bring their TEAM in to observe me next week. Their team consists of four people. Include my student teacher and that's five extra people. Also next week, a student from the local university will be here to observe my class. Again, two extra adults in my classroom.

I'm beginning to feel like a television show. Or at least a one-man freak show. Too many people watching me...