Keeping Up Appearances

It's that time again.... lawn season. In the subdivision where I live, I'm seeing the signs all over the place. My neighbors are outside mulching, mowing, raking, fertilizing, (I hope the guy down the street learned his fertilizer lesson this year and will NOT be using a drop spreader to dole out his fertilizer. His results last year were highly comical rows of nice green grass separated by tiny areas of regular grass.) and generally working their butts off on their lawns. Normally I try to avoid eye contact with my neighbors while they're out diligently working on their lawns as my lawn is distinctly different from the rest of the neighborhood: it's not landscaped, primped, pampered or otherwise meticulously maintained. I think sometimes my neighbors resent me for it. I'm the house on the street that looks ok, but the yard needs some serious work.

The main trouble with having a nicely manicured lawn is cost. Landscaping costs money, plants cost money, mulch costs money, fertilizer costs money, watering the lawn costs the ecosystem and also costs me money. The absolute fervor in which some people go about tending to their lawn absolutely astounds me. Why are we so willing to spend so much money on our lawns? Keeping up appearances of course. I'd like to say I'm the holdout against such materialism and competition in the neighborhoods of America....but I'm just not.

Oh I could tell you my yard got the rough beginnings of landscaping this year to increase the property value of my house should I ever need to sell it. I could tell you I did it because I truly wanted the outside of my house to be a bit more festive. I'd be lying. I did it because of an unseen but definitely felt pressure. My neighbors wanted me to. I could feel it every time they looked at me and my pathetic lawn. I could FEEL their resentment and animosity, their sheer superiority when they looked at my house during the summer. Ok, perhaps I'm over stating that as well. I did it because of everything combined. I want my house value to improve, I want my neighbors to not think I have a pathetic lawn and maybe, just maybe, I like the way a nicely landscaped yard looks.

Have I sold out? Yeah, maybe I have. However, I still maintain a modicum of dignity by asserting I did not buy full grown and beautiful plants from anywhere. I bought tiny tiny plants, plants so tiny you're not even sure they're plants just yet. It will take years for them to become established. In fact, I'll be surprise if anyone in the neighborhood realizes there are plants IN those new beds that have been created this year.

So yes, I've sold out a bit. But, as I spread the last of the mulch on the newly made beds surrounding the house, I smiled to myself as I realized I'd landscaped the yard for a mere $110. Mmhmm, that's right. I spent $110 on edging, landscaping fabric, soaker hoses, plants and mulch. You try landscaping YOUR yard for $110. I dare you. And just you wait...in 5 years or so, it's going to look beautiful.

I Guess I Should Know Better by Now

I think I might finally give up. After years of trying to set the record straight, arguing with people who won't listen and providing countless examples of how the situation really is.... I think I might give up. The majority of Americans will never respect teachers or understand their impact on society.
After complaining about what the state of Illinois would like to do to the teacher's pension along with raising the retirement age to 67, I remarked to my family how ridiculous it would be for a 67 year old woman to be in Rockford Public High School. Always quick to shove words back down your throat, my sister swooped in and said "But that's their choice. They don't have to stay there." She then brought up all the laborers who have to work until age 67 and I agreed with her on that point, there are some people who might be able to do that job until 67, but I don't think it's standard. We're working those people too much. Of course, she said that was their choice as well, they don't have to stay there.
I guess maybe I'm in the minority when I think we WANT our teachers to stay in one place. We want high quality, educated and resourceful teachers in the profession. Perhaps Rockford Public High School would always be able to get young, new teachers who need jobs. But does that really benefit the students? Hell no. Of course, my sister won't see it that way. And perhaps when she has a child she'll even encounter a teacher she really doesn't think should have their job. I kind of hope she does. You cannot treat your teachers like crap or you won't have good, quality people coming into the profession. End of story.
If it's my choice, then I guess I might have to choose something else. It's a shame though, because I really do enjoy teaching and I give it my all. However, I'm tired of trying to be respected by the people of the world who are angry that I get summers off. Fine. You guys win. I quit. I can do another job that won't be so difficult to keep up with when I'm 67. Like you said, it's my choice. Good luck finding a quality replacement!

Someone's Gotta Go....

It absolutely horrifies me that reality TV has gone this far. For a long while I've regarded reality TV as something people watch solely because we've become socially isolated from our communities and now we have a craving to live vicariously through others. You want to see one woman choose a husband from a bunch of strangers while simultaneously being seriously involved with several of them?? Well go on and make a female best friend and convince her that playing the field is ok, even if it means she'll break a few hearts. You want to see people struggle to lose weight using any means necessary while making it look as though they're actually doing it the healthy way? ? Well go on and make friends with an overweight person and convince them anorexia or bulimia and a compulsion to over-exercise are healthy.

Seriously people...go out and interact.

The latest horror isn't even out yet and it disturbs me. Someone's Gotta Go takes place in a failing small business (thanks to the wonderful economy) where they open up the books so everyone can see what everyone else makes and the workers decide who gets fired. Really? Would you even want to be involved in such an event? Do you really want to be the one to decide if Karen whose husband lost his job 3 months ago and who has 3 kids gets fired because she gets paid more than everyone else? Personally, I wouldn't be part of any such decision. It only opens the door to petty rivalry and arguments based upon who makes what. Plus, what happens after the show leaves and these people have to return to work beside all of the people who cut them down trying to save their own job. Why don't we just throw a lion in there and see who gets pushed in front of it first at dinnertime?

There was a time when losing your job wasn't the horrifying idea it is right now. Unemployment is on the rise and millions of people are without jobs. It is not entertainment to watch someone lose theirs. Do you want to see the effects of someone losing their job? Look out your window at the foreclosed homes, the families going to the food pantry, the people who have lost their jobs and are struggling. Better yet, make friends with one.... you'll get to hear all the nitty gritty details of how difficult it is for them to survive on a daily basis.

People, if you want to watch horror happen to real people, you don't have to turn on the television. All you have to do is step outside your front door and talk to 10 people. You'll find someone impacted by the current economy.

Even worse is that the whole idea of reality TV is starting to creep me out in much the same fashion that The Lottery by Shirley Jackson creeps me out. If you're not familiar with the story, here's a link: http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/lotry.html Reality TV creeps me out and Something's Gotta Go sounds to me to be very similar to Something's Gotta Give... and it does.

Walk a Mile

I've said it again and again and let me say it one more time: People in the United States hate teachers. It seems to be the one of three professions (the others being salesmen and lawyers) where one bad apple seems to spoil it for the whole bunch...indefinitely. So you had a bad teacher once in high school? Wow, get over it. Having a bad waitress doesn't make you detest waitresses wherever you go, does it? One bad accountant doesn't make you claim they're all lazy, right? So why is it that teachers are so hated?

I have two reasons which seem to be repeated to me over and over again. The first being summers off. Everyone is bitter about summer vacation. The second is the teacher who everyone seems to have had that did their job poorly, singled them out for verbal abuse, ridiculed them...the list could go on and on.

The issue of summer just isn't going to go away. Summer vacation is such an institution, a part of the past, nostalgic even. Sure, some schools are going to a year-round system, but that's only because they've spaced out the time off. The amount of time off a student gets is about the same. What most people just don't understand is that few teachers lounge around all summer long. In fact, I don't know a single one who doesn't work during the summer. We have lesson plans to revise, new activities to create, seminars to attend, our files to organize, our brains to unfry... Not to mention the emotional recuperation all of us need after a year of forming emotional, caring relationships with students. You think teaching is easy? Try forming a personal bond with 175 teenagers, appealing to them on a personal level, being concerned about their homework and work ethic, understanding when they've had a bad day, dealing with parents who expect us to raise their child for them, grading all their papers and putting constructive comments on them.... I'll just stop there. At the end of it all, I need a break emotionally and mentally.

The second issue is the important issue though. Everyone seems to have had a teacher which spoiled it for them. Everyone seems to have had that one teacher who scarred them or turned them off of school. My response to this isn't original, but it's sincere. Of course you have. Remember the saying that you can't please everyone? Well neither can teachers! No one can even get along with everyone else! However, that being said.... I will agree....some teachers just aren't cut out for the job. However, if you insist on keeping the profession one in which you are rewarded with little pay, little respect and for which it basically needs to be a calling for anyone to want to do the job... then you're always going to get mediocre or bottom of the barrel people involved in the profession. Sure, you're going to have some great teachers. Education is lucky that so many wonderful, creative, compassionate and passionate people want to work in the field. But there are so many others who seek out the education world because they know it's an easy ride if you want it to be. You're always going to have them until you change the perception of what being a teacher is. Until you can compete with the salaries the best and brightest can get out there in the "real" world.... you're not going to get an applicant pool of the best and the brightest. Until then... thank the good teachers out there for dedicating their lives to this, because I guarantee you... behind every good teacher is a person who chose this profession because they want to make a difference. They chose it over something higher paying with more respect and less hassle. They chose you and your children.

And for the love of everything good, stop assuming all teachers are bad before you make it so that they are.

It's a Foreign Language, Apparently

You know how they say that if you have a problem with one person, that's one thing... but if you have a problem with several people that the problem is likely you? Yeah... I have that problem.

It began as a problem between my boss and I. No matter how many good ideas I've thrown at the man over the past 8 years, he never really hears a single one of them. I still remember my fourth year here when I suggested changing Advanced Biology to Advanced Placement Biology. He kind of looked at me funny and said he wasn't sold on AP courses. Then last year he comes and says he really wants to implement an AP science and have I ever thought about making Advanced Biology AP Biology? Really? Really.

Another thing I've been trying to hammer into my that man's head over the years is the fact that the ACT Science portion doesn't require you to know anything for content. It is all data interpretation and being able to read a graph and data tables. I've been saying this regularly for years. Years! Then last week, and again this week he's said that he read in a book that the ACT Science portion is all about data interpretation and the students don't actually need to know content for it. He now believes it. He also has no recollection of me ever saying such a thing. Infuriating. I absolutely loathe it when I have good ideas and/or points and they get ignored and I really thought it was an isolated situation between my boss and I.

It's not.

Enter the technology guy.

The first incident occurred when he emailed me to ask about the blogging I do in my classroom and mentioned he was looking into online classroom environments. I talked about the blog and then mentioned studeous.com which I thought was excellent and free. He responded and basically said free sites weren't worth looking at. So then this past summer he asked me to review blackboard.com for him since I'm one of the more technology literate people here (frightening). I mentioned it was clunky and that I would probably continue to use studeous.com anyway. He acted as though he had never heard of studeous. When I let him check it out he said it was great and then proceeded to recommend it to one of the principals in the district.

Ok fine, whatever, right? No. Last year I sent him a link to a video about how to make cheap smart boards using the ninetendo wii remote. I remember the email very specifically because he had to tell me I forgot to attach the video link. So I sent him another one. Then today he pulls me aside and procedes to detail how for about $100 bucks he can get me a decent equivalent to a smart board by using a nintendo wii remote. He said he first heard about it from a student. Again, he fails to remember that I've brought this very idea to him a year ago.

Do you see my problem? It's two people and more than just four incidents. What am I doing wrong here? Should I be pushier? Do I need to harass people? It doesn't matter if I speak up because I have and no one remembers me saying any of these things. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone and I'm incredibly frustrated. It's not that I want the world for my ideas or suggestions or contributions, I would just like a little bit of credit where credit is due... maybe a "hekovajobtherebrownie."

Being On The Other Side

I've been to the hospital plenty of times in my life to visit people, but there is something incredibly odd about walking into the hospital on your own, being shown to a room and then five minutes later finding yourself appearing the part of an invalid. I have to say that aside from a few giggles prior to being taken down to pre-op I held it together pretty well. Again, there is just something disturbing about walking into the hospital on your own and coming out worse than when you went in.

I will say that the people who work at the Monroe Clinic are amazing, wonderful, and incredibly kind. There wasn't a single person I encountered who appeared to be tired or who seemed to be having just another day at work. They were all generous with their time, kind with their words and all had an incredibly genuine smile to give me. I think even Dean was impressed and he's the guy who lives to hate hospitals. Their kindness made it seem not quite so ridiculous that I'd spent a bit over an hour in a car just to get there. It also made me feel much better about my decision to remain with Dr. Martin when I get pregnant. Sure it's a long way to drive when you're having a baby, but the doctor and hospital are phenomenal. How could we choose differently?

Today I am feeling like I've been run over by a golf cart (something my husband can relate to) and I'm a lot more sore than I really wanted to be, but I am ok. I'm amazed at how tired I am and my seemingly insatiable ability to sleep, something I've rarely, if ever, experienced in my life. I'm also considering taking Monday off of work. I doubt anyone would think twice of me doing such a thing and quite frankly, I doubt I'll be able to stay awake the entire day. Even on Tuesday I'll have a hard time though my student teacher will be doing all of the work. Crazy lucky I managed to tack one of those on this semester, eh?

Well, here's hoping Tuesday brings a much more energetic and less painful me.

I'm Just Not that Into It

There has been quite a bit of silence from me this month on the blog and the truth is that I'm just not that into it. Normally I'm a bit more reflective about the world around me. Granted, I internalize it all to make sense out of it so all of the posts are about me in one shape or form, but lately life has been just about me.... and I'm not that into sharing. So excuse the lack of posts, I'm sure no one out there is particularly thrilled when I write a new one anyway so it's not a huge tragedy.

"They're Heeere"

As a child, few words probably instilled more fear in me than those in the title of this post. Poltergeist was the pinnacle of frightening, the horror of horror, the worst possible thing that could happen to you. I remember barely being able to keep my eyes open through the movie, and what child didn't come away from it scarred for life when it came to clown dolls? I can safely say I would still never put one in MY house and I'm now an adult of 30. This past summer I had the opportunity to watch Poltergeist again for the first time in at least twenty years. As with most things from childhood it now seemed hokey and I couldn't believe I'd ever been so afraid of such a movie. Granted, the people in the movie were strange and kind of creepy as actors go, but all in all the movie entertained me in the sense of "gosh, how I was ever afraid of this?"

As an "adult," the above experience is far too common for me. Things I held in high esteem as a kid or thought were incredibly wonderful and exotic are now commonplace and dull. There have been many times when I've wished I could recapture that youthful awe and fascination with the world that so consumed me when I was younger. This desire is probably why I love wind farms. It's true, I have a completely irrational love of the things. I squeal with delight and slow the car down and contemplate the best way to get as close as possible to them.

To me, they're majestic and peaceful. These large, graceful structures are proof of mankind's ability to make wise decisions about the way we use the Earth's resources. Not only that, but they're large and dot the landscape in an eerie, almost science-fiction manner. It's reminiscent of the future world I envisioned when I thought about the future as a small child. When I see them, I get that old feeling again, the wonder and the amazement and if I let myself I can even feel a bit of fear wondering what would happen if you were near them during a tornado... and let's face it, we all enjoy a bit of movie-theater fear once in a while.

So this past weekend, I again squealed with delight as I passed the new windfarm in JoDaviess county which is fast becoming my favorite wind farm due to their incredibly close proximity with Stage Coach Trail. No need to go out of my way to see these up close! There is a sense of pride too, knowing the area in which I grew up, houses these structures I hold in such high esteem. My only fear is that some local will fill me in on the politics behind them, as I'm not stupid enough to think they put them in there without some of the locals raising a stink and I definitely don't want politics to ruin one of the few things in the world that enable to recapture my childhood wonder.

I Always Feel Like... Somebody's Watching Meee

As a teacher, I'm not sure any of us enjoy being observed. It's something one comes to expect over time though as you will be observed a minimum of twice your first year teaching, just as standard practice. When I say a minimum of two, you can bet it's going to be more like six times. There is an unspoken idea that observations aren't supposed to make you nervous. After all, you're just doing your job, the same way you do every other day.... surely you have nothing to hide, right? Phrased like that, most of us would roll our eyes and say "of course not." But here's the thing... we all do have something to hide.

I don't know any teacher who is the same person outside of school that they are inside of the classroom. Our classrooms are our own little world where you craft a relationship with upwards of 30 teenagers (for high school teachers anyway) at a time. The dynamics of your classroom change from one hour to the next and you employ a variety of techniques to keep your students engaged and entertained. As a person I am not particularly outgoing. I have a tendency to sit back in social situations and just observe. I am capable of being outgoing, and I am outgoing at times, but I prefer to sit back and watch. In the classroom I am outgoing and boisterous, funny and serious and I move around a lot. The contrast is probably striking for someone who knows me as a person and not a teacher.

What happens when someone observes me is the two sides of my personality clash. I am suddenly aware of being overly outgoing, I become embarrassed, I struggle to keep my wits about me because I can see the look on the person's face that tells me exactly what I fear: They cannot believe this is me, that I am ever this outgoing or ever enjoy this much of an audience. It makes me self-conscious. I dislike being observed whether for evaluation or any other purpose and I'm going to assume most other teachers dislike it for much the same reasons I do.

Enter this past week. My student teacher started and in the beginning, student teaching is observing your classroom teacher. On Tuesday I had my student teacher and another teacher in here who was evaluating me for a district-wide project. That's two extra adults. On Wednesday, the sign language interpreter, my student teacher and a sign language interpreter-trainee from the local university were in my classroom. That's three extra adults. I've been contacted today by a coworker who would like to bring their TEAM in to observe me next week. Their team consists of four people. Include my student teacher and that's five extra people. Also next week, a student from the local university will be here to observe my class. Again, two extra adults in my classroom.

I'm beginning to feel like a television show. Or at least a one-man freak show. Too many people watching me...